I've been depressed since I was 13.
Well, since I could remember, I've been depressed since I entered teen hood.
I'm not going to talk about in detail on what made me depression but it consist;
1. Being a mixed blood
2. Being an average looking girl
3. Believe me or not, boys include too (I was so dumb back then)
4. Being called fat
5. Friend problems
6. Family problems
And I hated it.
I hated it because depression took over my life at some point and made me believe that I couldn't be happy again.
And I hated that I always thought of being dead was better than living.
I hated myself to had the urge to cut my wrist and had suicidal thoughts.
And I hate myself for being depressed.
I don't know how to write this to be honest.
For the past months, I've been depressed again.
I knew that I'm depressed because I've been on the same stage when I was 15.
My sings of depression;
- I didn't read books like I supposed to
- I basically abandon all my hobbies and doing nothing
- Heck, I even procrastinate writing this post
- I've been in constant anxiety
- I can't sleep and sometimes, I sleep too much
- I didn't ate until it's midnight
- I feel helpless and hopeless
- I became reckless
If you're stress/depressed,
Watch this movie
I don't know how to write this to be honest.
For the past months, I've been depressed again.
I knew that I'm depressed because I've been on the same stage when I was 15.
My sings of depression;
- I didn't read books like I supposed to
- I basically abandon all my hobbies and doing nothing
- Heck, I even procrastinate writing this post
- I've been in constant anxiety
- I can't sleep and sometimes, I sleep too much
- I didn't ate until it's midnight
- I feel helpless and hopeless
- I became reckless
I really, really don't know how to write this.
Depression is like, a bomb.
It can explode when you triggered it.
But, sometime depression happen for no reason at all.
Sometimes, depression attacks you without yourself being sad.
Sky is blue and it will soon turn grey without any notice.
And that's depression.
Like I said, my depression started when I was 13.
New school, a mixed blood child, that was why I was depressed. I struggled to have friends.
When I was 14,
Being beautiful is everything for a girl. Being skinny, tall, and having a long hair were the trend.
For a 14-year-old, I wasn't tall, I wasn't skinny and I had a short hair.
When I was 15,
my depression got worst.
I gained weight, I hated my life, exam stress, not to mention, love life stress.
Then, I turned 16,
I tried to not give a damn on anything.
When people called I'm fat, screw them.
Screw boys.
Screw real life.
Screw other people's opinion on myself.
I was happy,
and then I lost my friend.
We fought, the memories that we faced together got lost, as if it get hit by a truck.
And I was sad again.
Last year,
I got really depressed again.
I don't want to tell you why.
Just lets keep it a secret.
Now, depression took over my life again.
But it isn't worst like I had when I was 15.
I didn't even think of cutting myself or kill myself.
When I was 15,
I nearly cut myself. But, thank god I was a strong person.
Instead of cutting my wrist, I took a pen or a marker and write my favourite fictional character or my favourite singer on my wrist and palm.
It helped.
And I still do it until now.
I'm trying to get better.
When I stress, I draw.
I started to watch movies and my favourite tv shows again.
I tried to read books again (after weeks of not reading)
I drink tea every night before sleeping.
I tried to buy new clothes more and started to learn to wear make up properly.
I started to listened to new genre of music and listen to bands that I didn't even know that exist.
I don't want to be depressed all my teen years.
I want to get better.
Battling with depression for nearly six years are enough.
Sure, you can get better by see a doctor or taking pills.
But if you doesn't want to battle depression for your future sake, those things will be useless.
- A girl whose battling with depression and trying to get better.
Watch this movie
It's Kind of a Funny Story.
This movie is about handling depression.
Very good (I should start reading the book sooner or later...)
It's 1 AM and I tried to sleep but I can't
*sighs* depression....
