College Life
August 21, 2015
SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP
Wow, I finally finished my first semester of foundation. Like literally wow, I felt it had been dragging for so long.
Now, I'm nervous for my result.
(I seriously don't want to fail. Hoping for the best but expecting the worst *sobs*)
Okay, back to the point.
How are you guys?
Miss me since I haven't update lately? *lol perasan*
Let's talk about college~~
I, a person who can't communicate well, suck at math, weak at studying, a lame geek. a person who cries a lot went to college!
One time,
I broke down,
To be honest, I was nearly on verge of giving up, but, I thought;
'Hey dumbass! If Leo could do this without showing any sadness, you can too.'
or
'You have god, Amni. Even when you're alone and jahil. No matter how much you screw up, Allah is always there beside you.'
Without this self motivations, I would already gave up.
But looking at the bright side, college taught me so much even I'm only in my first sem.
I can improve my skill on speaking English.
I'm surrounded by smart people so surprisingly, it made me study harder (kinda)
I rely on Allah more, I become a better muslim, somehow.
I woke up earlier than usual, even when I don't have plans in the morning,
I learned to manage my money (even when I broke eventually)
(Don't tell my mom) I can buy sweetened water *cough* sirap bandung *cough* whenever I want!!!
And most importantly,
I learned to rely on myself.
I made myself whole.
- Amni, tired af university student.
(I seriously don't want to fail. Hoping for the best but expecting the worst *sobs*)
Okay, back to the point.
How are you guys?
Miss me since I haven't update lately? *lol perasan*
Let's talk about college~~
I, a person who can't communicate well, suck at math, weak at studying, a lame geek. a person who cries a lot went to college!
Let me tell you something;
College is fucking hard.
I went to private Uni. Still, I don't get why people judge me (I had a choice) cause I know some of y'all think that private uni had it easy than public and we students, always 'jack off' all the time....
Guess what?
You're wrong.
I had hard time.
Since, I'm a Malay and there's like 10% of Malay in my uni, it was pretty hard to find friends. Or even socializing in general.
Especially when I'm a Malay who looks like Chinese and cannot speak mandarin.
People thought I was a Sabahan or a Brunei person (i WISH)
And the students are so smart and hardworking, man, I feel dumb.
I literally went to a nerd school and I'm not a nerd T_T
It's not like I don't have a choice I have but I couldn't picture myself choosing that other choice.
When a day before I got into college, I just couldn't wait, couldn't wait to get out and discover how the world is like. How hard was it, how beautiful, and scary it was...
I just really wanted to get out of the house and be productive to be honest.
First Month of college;
Was really, really hard.
To be honest with you guys, I was really depressed.
I cried a lot (thinking about it now, it was really funny)
But I couldn't help it. I'm a very anxious person and I overthinks a lot and I'm still am.
And it sucked more cause I'm also an introvert. It made 100x worst.
Also, in my uni we don't have to wear formal everyday so literally everyone I saw they would wore
1. T-shirt and cargo shorts
2. Girls - t-shirts and short pants.
Me; T-shirt + hoodie + skinny jeans and sneakers
I looked like a murderer.
Especially with my headphones on.
I look like I didn't want to socialize.
Not gonna lie, I did kinda feel reluctant for socializing but people thought I didn't want to socialize EVER.
Plus, I have a resting bitch-face :(((((
Same, Ella, same.
I couldn't even read books or write without feeling guilty or even draw since I feel bad that I kill time.
The foundation subjects I took in first sem are not in my ally.
The two subjects I really enjoyed are electives; Malaysian Studies (history) and Moral Studies.
The most importantly, living the college life means;
BROKE AF.
I still don't get it. Like why the fuck did I spent that I just always end up not having money?
But trust me, college, no matter how hard it is,
IT IS STILL BETTER THAN HIGH SCHOOL.
In Uni, people never talk behind your back cause they would only care about themselves. They don't have time to care about you and your life.
But college life is literally trying to manage your social life and your studying life that you would end up crying and go to sleep instead or watching movies since everything sucks.
And you would miss your mom, and the food at home (since you're broke)
And you would want to go home every week (lucky me since my uni is near to my house hohoho)
I would be lying if I don't admit that I cried a lot during my first experience in Uni.
One time,
I broke down,
To be honest, I was nearly on verge of giving up, but, I thought;
'Hey dumbass! If Leo could do this without showing any sadness, you can too.'
or
'You have god, Amni. Even when you're alone and jahil. No matter how much you screw up, Allah is always there beside you.'
Without this self motivations, I would already gave up.
But looking at the bright side, college taught me so much even I'm only in my first sem.
I can improve my skill on speaking English.
I'm surrounded by smart people so surprisingly, it made me study harder (kinda)
I rely on Allah more, I become a better muslim, somehow.
I woke up earlier than usual, even when I don't have plans in the morning,
I learned to manage my money (even when I broke eventually)
(Don't tell my mom) I can buy sweetened water *cough* sirap bandung *cough* whenever I want!!!
And most importantly,
I learned to rely on myself.
I made myself whole.
- Amni, tired af university student.
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