Since last year, I always thought about writing a new story at Wattpad.

I wrote a new story every year since I was fourteen to train myself to write.

Majority of them are fanfics and one of them is my own characters story.

Since I finished writing Perfect and Pathetic in January, I get a lot of time in my hands.

And I think it's time.

My friends wanted me to write a Luke Hemmings' fan fic that I dreamt about but writing fanfic is actually really hard.

Just because  in fanfic(s), the characters that you writing aren't yours and some of they are real people and if you do anything wrong or out of character, the fans wouldn't read it. And cheesiness in fanfics are so annoying if it happen often.

I wrote a 1D fanfic once, you know the drill.

Some of the reader dislike the way I wrote on Louis and they sometimes commented how they dislike my writing.

It hurts for me to read their give negative comments.
So after thinking for few months, I will not going to write a Luke Hemmings's fanfic this year.

I will write my own story. My own plot. My own characters.
And my new story, I named it;


Those Busted Lips



Summary; 

       Kai Asher is the King of Oakcastle's High Drama Club. He has a crazy drunk woman as a mother. A workaholic doctor for a dad. Kai Asher's only friend is Ryan Kang, the star quarterback. Kai Asher is utterly in love with his girlfriend, Chloe Sanders. Kai Asher is invincible. Kai Asher is mean. Kai Asher is egoistic. Nobody ever dares to get near him. Unless it is Alaska Summers.

     Alaska Summers cannot labeled anything but 'odd'. She has crazy hair, crazy style, mysterious, and she is kind, but she isn't nice.
  

Kai hates Alaska. She can't stop bugging him. She's annoying, weird as shit and real.  
    

Alaska Summers is not popular or even an outcast. She is odd, sure, but without her, Kai wouldn't help his mom to get better. Kai will not know the truth. It may shock him, it may break him, too. The truth hurts, but it is better than being lie to.
 
Maybe with Alaska odd friendship with him, Kai will learn something.

   A story about Kai Asher's journey trough love, family, friendship and true meaning you can still stand up high, even everything around you breaks you.

That's basically my idea on the story.




Good or not?

But,
I haven't post the story on Wattpad, yet.
I still need time and it isn't ready.
I'm still need time to write the chapters and re-adjust the plot.
But, now, I think it's going well.


I'll inform you guys if I post the story.

- Amni

And, oh!
Here's some of the dialogue;


"You know why I'm so sad about this?"

"Why?"

"Because I saw it coming and I kept denying it, I thought that she's different. Because I thought, under her beautiful face, she was nice and honest. But, eventually, she fucked me up."

I'm single because nobody can beat my fictional boyfriends.

2. Augustus Waters from The Fault in Our Stars



Every part of the book and the movie are mostly sad but the PRE-FUNERAL part broke me to million pieces and I couldn't stop myself for crying so damn hard while reading the book and watching the movie.

That was the pain I felt when I love and lost Augustus Waters.


Before we get to no.1,
here some characters that I want to give credit to;

Sirius Black from The Harry Potter series,
who was there for me when I was young and
was the first fictional character that I love;

I got my SPM result today.

I'm actually really satisfied about it.

Okay, I know it is a result that shouldn't been brag about BUT I'M BRAGGING ABOUT IT.

I think that I DESERVED to get that result.

Clearly, not because I got an excellent result.

I know my limit. I'm not smart. When it comes to maths, I sucks so BAD.

But, looking back at last year, I was pathetically really depressed. I had social issues. I couldn't sleep well, or eat well and I couldn't study well.

Looking back at my trial result, let me just say, my trial result I got no A's. I failed at three of my elective subjects. My History and BM score flaunted. My Math was worst. I didn't get and A for my English.

And it got me feeling depressed even more.

I studied for BM so hard, because I really wanted to ace my mother tongue. I studied Math, especially in paper 2. I studied History like crazy. I studied English more that any subjects. I studied Physics because I could at least pass this subject.

I'm a very anxious person. I really want my English and History to get A's. The two subjects are favourite subjects.

My best friend and I just hoped at least, we will get 2A's for SPM.

And,

Alhamdulillah, we got better than that.

I know some of you guys are sad with your result and keep questioning why I'm not, because, logically, thinking back, I was in the lowest. ranking grades score in my class. I was not good at Maths nor Chemistry or even Engineering.

And I know that. I tried really hard for my English, when trial came and I got B for it, I really felt like crying and since then I studied really hard because English is my passion. I love languages, English is my favourite. History too, god, I love history. That subject was never boring to me. 

And Maths, I hoped I pass in average scale, And I did.

The thing is, your result doesn't define who you are. Maybe you result is bad, but look at the bright side, Allah have better plans for you. Maybe not now, but in the future.

You'll never know God's plans.

Go have tea, okay?

- Amni

A dedication to all girls;

- You don't have to be skinny to be pretty. Nor thighs gap, nor seen collarbones. 

- You don't have to be curvy to be pretty either.

- You're pretty without make up.

-You're pretty with make up.

- Your grades doesn't define how smart you are.

- Wear dark lipstick if you want to.

- Wear nail polish if you want to.

- Colour your hair if you want to.

- It's okay for you to be girly.

-It's okay for you to be a little boyish.

- Labels are just labels.

- Liking boy bands and kpop doesn't mean you have bad taste on music.

- Like Kpop if you want to. Fall in love with Kpop idols if you want to. Screw haters.

- Like indie bands if you want to, screw people if they say that you're just being a poser.

- Read books, it helps calm your mind.

- If you want that cute clothes, just buy it.

- Drink tea to sooth your body (I recommend in evenings)

- Drink coffee if you think it wakes you up.

- If you want to loose weight, just remember that you have to loose weight to be healthy, not because someone asked you to.

- Eat

- Eat

- Eat

- Be independent. Don't always hope for a guy to be there support you.

- It's okay if you don't have a boyfriend.

- It's okay if you have a boyfriend.

- Don't be arrogant to other girls that aren't pretty/smart/talented than you.

- Go have a date with your boyfriend, but never ever neglected you friends.

- Go watch a movie while eating food in front of your laptop.

- Go out with your best friends, and talk with them about everything.

- You're not the only one that have problems .

- Learn new things, weather if it's a make up tutorial or the history of the World Wars

- If you're boyfriend is cheating on you, he's not worth it for you be back together with him.

- You're free to have your own opinions and thoughts, don't let boys think otherwise

- If a boy is being a dick to you, kick his ass. Or, just say something sassy to him so he shut up.

- Don't let boys define you for who you are.

- Speak for yourself, your gender, you family and your religion.

- If other girl is being mean to you, just remember that she's a human, all humans are bunch of screwed ups.

- Cry if you want to, let it out. Crying doesn't mean that you're weak.

- People are going to judge you no matter what.

- It's okay if you have high tastes on men.

- It's okay if you don't have tastes on men.

- It's okay to be different

- Every girl hates some parts of their body, you're not alone

- There's no such thing as prince charming. There's no night and shining armor to come and rescue you.

- The only person who can help you, is yourself.

- Get help if you're feeling depressed.

- Cutting IS NOT a fashion statement.

- Suicide IS NOT a thing to romanticize.

- Avoid fuckboys 2K15

And,

Be yourself.

And you'e going to be okay.

- Amni

Howdy!!

I've been tagged again to do the Liebster Award by my friend, Sarah at {Her Blog}

Okay, LET'S DO THIS!!

1. What are doing right now except typing on your laptop?

- I'm eating chocolate that my mom brought from her office while sipping my tea.

2. How to attract more reader to read you blog?

- Basically, the most viewed post(s) in my blog are the ones that have emotional feelings and crazy things that I'd experienced. So, if anything crazy happen in my life, I'll make an effort to write it in this blog :3

3. How to increase your saving during holiday?

- Don't got out?????? If you go out, make sure you're with your mom, so she's the one who have money.

4. What did you take for your breakfast today?

- Normally, I don't eat breakfast even when I woke up early. I always drink a lot of water when I woke up. I normally have brunch.

5. Who is beside you right now?

- Malaikat

6. What did you do for you family today? 

- Well, my sister and I went to buy fake flowers and went to buy dinner.

7. Set 3 goals for tomorrow

- Finish a book. Watch a movie. WAKE UP EARLY.

8. What did you have done today?

- I read a book. I watched a movie. I went OUTSIDE.

9. What movie did you watch for today?

- WHITE CHICKS. Damn that movie is so funny I can't even-

10. What did you spent today?

- Nothing. I'm broke, man.

So, that's it!

I hope you guys enjoy reading it.

Thank you Sarah for tagging me.

Have a nice day!

-AMNI

It's almost 5:AM of 8 February of 2015.

I have insomnia. I couldn't sleep *le cries*

So bare with me. 

Cause my Malay sucks.

And this post contain lots of excessive Malay swear words.

Sebenarya Aku Rindu

A.SUHANA

Aku rindu classmates aku.

Budak-budak Lambda (13-14)

Aku rindu Nabilah, Hafa, Alyaa, Syazni.

Aku rindu borak pasal indie bands and hot guys dengan Nabilah.

Aku rindu nak tahu movies best-best dari Syazni.

Aku rindu nak borak pasal Korea dengan Alyaa.

Aku rindu anime recommendations dari Hafa.

Aku rindu nak tahu pasal sejarah and politik dengan Fakhrul and Danial.

Aku rindu berdebat dengan Asyraf, walaupun sometimes dia buat aku nak nangis dengan mulutnya.

Aku rindu dengan nyanyian narcissus Shazreen.

Aku rindu Achamp yang selalu tak datang sekolah, macam biskut.

Aku rindu pandangan pelik Shukri bagi kat aku.

Aku rindu Armin yang selalu kacau aku.

Aku rindu bunyi bising dan lawak bodoh yang Ammar and Aiman buat.

Aku rindu bunyi meja diketuk buat lagu Indon yang aku tak pernah tahu dari Asyraf and Ainul.

Aku rindu nak borak dengan Wafiy.

Aku rindu Hadi, yang selalu marah aku time study math.

Aku rindu Aiman, ketua kelas paling diam pernah aku jumpa.

Aku rindu si awkward Ariffin.

Aku rindu macam mana dengan bangganya Aiman cakap pasal lukisan,

Aku rindu macam mana aku kenal Azrul dari tahun 6 tapi tak fully kenal dia pun.

Aku rindu Haqim yang selalu kena perli sebab dia Singaporean.

Aku rindu Afif yang aku tak pernah cakap dengan dia lebih dari 5 minit.

Aku rindu (kesian sebenarnya) kat Faizzul yang selalu kena buli.

Aku rindu si ketua pelajar, Fareez, yang bajet tough,

Aku rindu gelak kuat Arissa dan kesopanan Amira.

Aku rindu Nabihah, yang selalu cantik.

Aku rindu Atikah, yang selalu ada dengan aku kalau aku ada masalah.

Sebenarnya aku rindu.

Dan Kelas 5 Lambda, yang terletak di hujung dunia, sudah menjadi kenangan bagi aku.

kenangan terindah (actually kenangan paling gila)

Aku tak pernah terfikir yang aku akan duduk kat kelas yang paling aku hargai time form 3.

Tapi aku dapat kelas macam tu time aku form 4, aku actually lega and happy.

Walaupun aku tak post gambar budak Lambda kat insta, 

(Gambar korang semua dah hilang kt iPod T_T)

Aku tetap teringat kat korang setiap hari dalam hidup aku yang menunggu result SPM ni...

"I don't like people generally, but I like people individually."

Lambda... is...better than words.

I've been depressed since I was 13.

Well, since I could remember, I've been depressed since I entered teen hood.

I'm not going to talk about in detail on what made me depression but it consist;

1. Being a mixed blood

2. Being an average looking girl

3. Believe me or not, boys include too (I was so dumb back then)

4. Being called fat

5. Friend problems

6. Family problems

And I hated it.

I hated it because depression took over my life at some point and made me believe that I couldn't be happy again.

And I hated that I always thought of being dead was better than living.

I hated myself to had the urge to cut my wrist and had suicidal thoughts.

And I hate myself for being depressed.

I don't know how to write this to be honest.

For the past months, I've been depressed again.
I knew that I'm depressed because I've been on the same stage when I was 15.

My sings of depression;

- I didn't read books like I supposed to
- I basically abandon all my hobbies and doing nothing
- Heck, I even procrastinate writing this post
- I've been in constant anxiety
- I can't sleep and sometimes, I sleep too much
- I didn't ate until it's midnight
- I feel helpless and hopeless
- I became reckless


If you're stress/depressed,

Watch this movie