Gosh, this the first post about my life since the last one.

Remember when I was constantly updating stuffs back when I was still in high school?

Haha, not anymore.

And the senile thing is, I have more things to talk about now than back in sekolah menegah.

To the point when my friend called me they would as if 'I am okay.' or 'Why I look so tired?'

I'm just very preoccupied. 

From club meetings (gosh night meetings), to handling events out and inside from my major, from assignments, from writing in and outside of school, from reading books for school and pleasure, and meeting people, to be honest, I've never thought I can handle this.

I've never been the type that considered as 'active'. You can ask anyone and they will say that Amni is that quiet kid that doesn't do anything.





But I am okay, I think.

Being busy means that the bad thoughts rarely come.
I rarely take a lot of time thinking before sleeping too. When I'm on my bed, 5 minutes in, I feel asleep without any second thoughts.

I ventured out. In some community in uni, people know me as that chick whose good at designing.
I have a lot of friends that can help me out.

I read a lot, without feeling pressured.
I'm more vocal, and less dramatic.
I found out I can work well under pressure.
I managed to calm my anxiety a little bit.
I rarely break down?

But, I missed being free.
Usually at night, it was a time for me to write, to blog, to watch kdramas.
But now, it is the time where I got home from school almost everyday.

I missed saying "Yeah, I can go." instead of, "Sorry, I'm not free this week."

All I want to do now after class or meeting, is just go home.

I keep on rejecting eating invites from friends or my event committees because if I interact with people more than I can handle, I feel like I will lose my sanity.

Everything is either draining me or makes me feel alive.
I rarely sleep good. But, I've read good amount of books. Too many amount of books.

I've been reading poetry without realizing it, and a lot of them because I had/have literature classes.
Yet, I rarely found that I will keep in my heart.

Food either taste bland because I would just eat and then go to bed. Or, it taste good that I feel bad eating due of unhealthy reasons.

I don't have time to write.
When I do, I don't know what to write. This post took me 2 weeks to think.

I just wear whatever in front of me instead taking care what I look like I used to do.
Class are either makes me sleepy or I feel like it just wasted my time.
My class schedule this semester sucks balls. So many gaps, too little classes.

I feel like I've been floating around without any directions to go.

Wake up, go to school, do work, go to sleep.

The feeling of numbness is what keeps me going, I guess.

I feel like I'm waiting something to happen. And I don't have any guesses.
But, I know it will be good.

I'll just have to wait.

- Amni