Yay, Amni finally back in da blog! 

(I had a writer's block I'm sorry)

So, since I finished my parts in my assignments and shitload of Powerpoints and Words, I finally have a short stress-free time to blog cause I also finished my midterms just the other day lol.

Cheap Makeup...?

What come to girls' minds when the word 'cheap makeup' came up?

Ah, yes!

Pharmacy/Drugstore!!

I know some drugstores' makeup products are expensive but I'm gonna consider it as a whole since some makeup sell in drugstores are cheap and gOOD.

1. Lips Essentials

But if you want an EXCELLENT mascara; Use 'They're Real' by Benefit that cost around RM 78 for a small one...

But, I did heard that the best affordable mascara is from Maybelline which it's true cause my mom used to owned one and I used to wear it. 

Eye shadow

Not gonna deny, I love branded eye-shadow palette. I love nude colours especially. Like Urban Decay's Nude (especially the 1st and Too-face Chocolate that I WANT TO BUY)

To be honest with you guys, I never found a good, cheap eye-shadow palette in my life. The cheap ones aren't tinted and it doesn't stay long and I'm frustrated about it.

I'm currently using Meet Matt(e) by theBalm

Isn't Matt(e) HOT?! lol

I love my eyeshadow, it does have some flaws but the colours are warm and I wear it everyday to class looking badass.

I usually don't wear blusher, foundation and such cause I don't feel comfortable covering up my pores...

For me, the most important thing in makeup isn't how much it cost, it's the quality of it. I love lipsticks that stay long and moisturize, eyeliners that actually doesn't piss me off every time I wear it, tinted and warm colours of eyeshadow.

Quality over price, am I right?

And I'm also a cheapskate okay, I admit it.

Skincare tips:

People I know always say that I have a nice skin (welp, thanks by the way...) but actually my mom taught me a lot on taking care of my skin so here some tips;

1. For people between the ages 12-16,

avoid using foundation or anything that will cover up your pores.

You're still young, you don't need to cake-up your face cause your skin at that time need to breathe and for you to cover your pores, I'm not kidding, you will regret when you get older. 

^ Words from my mom.

2. Before applying makeup, washed your face first, then apply toner & moisturizer, also sunblock cream since this country is super hot it's annoying.

3. NEVER SLEEP WEARING MAKEUP.

4. Wash your face carefully after a long day wearing makeup. Wash all those stain thoroughly and apply moisturizer when you're about to go to sleep.

5. Seriously, just watch Korean dramas, look at them taking care of their skin. 

6. Eat healthy foods. Like soy that contains collagen.

^Words by my mom that I never follow...

And lastly,

Wear makeup if you want to. Don't wear makeup if you don't want to. Wear makeup because you want to feel confidence and fuck all those assholes who judge you. Makeup is a form of art, and you're a white canvas are about to be paint with colourful colours.

You do you.

I hope the things I wrote help girls and boys who love makeup.

- Amni

I found these questions on tumblr and since I'm such a sucker for paranormal creatures;

LET'S DO THIS!

1. Vampire: Someone offers you a chance at immortality. Do you take it, and why or why not?

- I don't know if I want immortality or not because first of all, Immortality sounds great if I choose it, I mean like, I could live longer and stay young and probably be rich too since it's awesome. But, I don't want immortality cause I don't want growing old and wise without aging and see how the world will fuck up as if it hasn't been already. 

2. Werewolf: If you had to spend your life with just one person, who would it be?

- If I would want to spend the rest of my life with only person then the answer is probably myself. It gets lonely, it will, but I could take it.

3. Witch: If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?

- DESTROY RACISM, STEREOTYPES, STEREOTYPES AGAINST WOMEN, DESTROY SOCIAL HIERARCHY AND HEADING TO A MORE PEACEFUL WORLD (this is count as one so deal with it)

4. Ghost: Do you have any regrets?

- I do have regrets. Not a lot, but it does make me depressed sometimes thinking about it.

5. Frankenstein: Is someone telling you how to live your life, or are you an independent person?

- I personally think that I'm an independent person, but I do need someone by my side to shook me up to my senses once in a while,

6. Mummy: If you were to fall into an eternal sleep, do you think anyone would miss you?

- I hope so. I don't care that I will miss by many, as long the people who do miss me, I hope they miss me deeply.

7. Zombie: Do you miss anyone right now?

- Yes, I just wish my life just turn around to right places sometimes but it would not happen like that, so....

8. Faerie: If you could get away with anything, what would you do?

- I would cheat and get good grades man, and cheat in job interviews, I would do anything for my future sake if I can get away from anything.

9. Nymph: What are you like when you’re by yourself?

- I appreciate silence a lot. I'm very quite and my mind is very loud. I would probably read books, draw or watch a movie.

10. Mermaid: How far would you go to keep the one you love?

- I would go as far if I had to but, if they acted that they don't need me and walk away, I would let it go without regrets. Sure, I would be sad but, when someone leaves me when I loved them, they didn't even love you at first, so, let go.

11. Shapeshifter: What would you change about yourself?

- I would change myself in the confidence factor cause I lack of confidence.

12. Banshee: If you knew one of your loved ones/best friends had only one day left to live, how would you spend that last day with them?

- I don't know. I would probably cry first cause it would be our last day spend together. We could talk and make memories. But, I don't know actually, I would feel so empty if that happen.

13. Siren: If you could make anyone do anything, what would you make them do?

- I just ask them to stop being ignorant cause the world doesn't revolve around them (Those three people, please take note cause you're piece of shit (: )

14. Genie:If you had one wish that would come true and couldn’t be reversed, what would you ask for?

- I would ask for three wishes.

First wish is for wealth and security

Second is confidence and intelligence

Third is for my favourite fictional characters come to life and love me as I love them (I'm not kidding)

15. Fury: What is a word/phrase that you dread to hear?

- "You're matter. I love you, I love every part of you and oh, I wish that I could spend time with you for eternity and kiss you everyday and grow more in love with you every second. " 

- probably never happen.

16. Incubus: What would someone have to do to get in your pants?

- First of all, love me with passion, and then we will get marry. Done.

17. Succubus: What’s one thing you can’t live without?

- I couldn't live without art. Music, films, art, languages, poetry, food, ART.

BYE BYE

- Amni

So, it was Friday and it was early.

My sister and I, we went to a bookish adventures~~~

First, we met with my sister's friend, who also a book lover, they were planning on making a video since my sister and her are booktubers, (From Malaysia yo!) and her friend, (Nabilah) are going to study abroad soon.

We went to Borders, The Curve, and I was surprised.

They upgraded the Young Adults section!

SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP

Wow, I finally finished my first semester of foundation. Like literally wow, I felt it had been dragging for so long. 

Now, I'm nervous for my result.
 (I seriously don't want to fail. Hoping for the best but expecting the worst *sobs*)

Okay, back to the point.
How are you guys?
Miss me since I haven't update lately? *lol perasan*

Let's talk about college~~

I, a person who can't communicate well, suck at math, weak at studying, a lame geek. a person who cries a lot went to college!




One time,
I broke down,
To be honest, I was nearly on verge of giving up, but, I thought;
'Hey dumbass! If Leo could do this without showing any sadness, you can too.'
or
'You have god, Amni. Even when you're alone and jahil. No matter how much you screw up, Allah is always there beside you.'

Without this self motivations, I would already  gave up.

But looking at the bright side, college taught me so much even I'm only in my first sem.
I can improve my skill on speaking English.
I'm surrounded by smart people so surprisingly, it made me study harder (kinda)
I rely on Allah more, I become a better muslim, somehow.
I woke up earlier than usual, even when I don't have plans in the morning,
I learned to manage my money (even when I broke eventually)
(Don't tell my mom) I can buy sweetened water *cough* sirap bandung *cough* whenever I want!!!

And most importantly,
I learned to rely on myself.
I made myself whole.


- Amni, tired af university student.

I write a lot. 

To fanfics, vampires, *cough* smut *cough* contemporaries, and also romance.

But, I never write an authentic short story.

So, the times when I had insomnia, I wrote this. It has become a habit before I fell asleep to think about the plot and how are things I want it to flow.

I called my short story:

- Amni

Since I entered uni, I've been so independent.

Not like, "Oh, I entered college yay I finally free from my cage!" kind of independent. It's;
"I can only rely on myself and God." kind of independent.

Whenever I saw a high schoolers whose excited to enter uni, I laughed evilly inside cause YA DON'T KNOW. YA DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH STRUGGLES WE FRESHMEN FACE.
(But, this I promise you, uni is better than high school in MANY ways.)

I know that some of the people (or even friends) that judge me cause I didn't entered a government's uni. (Even when I got one college for pharmacy major lol (I suck at chemistry, thanks by the way.))
I know, private Uni is expensive as fuck (I'm not rich either), I know I'm really slow especially in my studies and I know fangirl a lot than studying.

But to be honest with you guys, deep inside, I'm grateful that I didn't entered a government's uni.

I've complain a lot about how many tests and assignments and how hard this sem subjects are. I couldn't imagine myself entered a government uni which I know they have new assignments every week and it's scary if you get a course that you CAN DO (but you don't have interest on).
I know some of you guys didn't have any choice because if I was you, I would enter a government uni/ politeknik/matriks even if it's not the course I wanted.

Maybe, that's why I didn't get my UPU. Allah knows I cannot handle that kind of journey.


A learning process.

Hmm. What did I learn for the past months?

1. English is IMPORTANT.

For a foundation in arts student leading to English (I entered a private Uni just because I want to major in English cause government's uni takde course English (TESL is different). Yeah.)

I have to speak English everyday for my daily communication, I didn't have any problem with that. I have to do my assignments in English, EVERYTHING is in English.
I do struggle but, I love it.

I don't care why people always judge other people who prefer speaking in English or why judging people who majoring in arts or language or history.

I think, in this world, we need more people who love poetry, words, cultures and live for love.
Because I found these people beautiful.



2. I've made friends with many races.

Growing up as a mixed blood, of course I've been misunderstood and being racist by people. And I got used to it and I pretty good at detect it too haha (17 years 8 months experience)

Having many friends from different races is SO COOL and you get to learn a lot about other cultures (I learn chinese a little in the process) and using a lot of bahasa rojak (no regrets).
Yes, some people are racist, some of them just don't care and I don't care about them either. I do feel grateful that I found friends in Uni (It surprised me too)

3. I need to struggle more.

I'm not a studious person but I am an ambitious person. For me to get to learn English in degree I NEED TO pass this foundation. I HAVE TO. I never studied this hard in my life. I've never been this careful of a person on my studies in my life until I entered college.

And I have to learn and even cry a little bit and get up and study.
I knew for a long time that I'm not a person who's blessed with smartness or looks.
But, I'm grateful that I've been blessed to have passion and doing the things I love.

4. I need become a professional in my works.

WORK HARD, PLAY HARDER. - Jung Taekwoon

Seriously, I'm shocked myself on how commit I am in my works. *Pats dear self*
And I need to improve more.

People around me always say that I'm very professional in my works but seriously, I'm also a careless person and easily feeling down and anxiety always consumed me every single day. But without anxiety, I'll never know what I'm capable of and I'll never know myself.

5. I need Allah more than I needed him before.

I did cried a lot when I first entered uni. To be honest with you guys, I nearly give up on studying this sem subjects because I did found it really hard. I did cry everyday. I still overthink. I did have a hard time making friends. I did have A LOT of issues. And, the only positive thing that kept sticking in my head and my heart is that, I have Allah by my side, And I can rely on him (even when I was giving up on myself).

I'm not a perfect muslim.
 I do sometimes missed my daily prayers. I don't wear hijab on my head. I swear a lot. I read smut. I enjoy looking at attractive people. I spend a lot of time fangirling that studying or doing other important things. I don't make reading Quran as a daily activity. I'm not perfect.

But I do remember this,
Your Iman will increase and decrease. It's up to you to chose what path.

Everyday, I asked Allah to make this day better than yesterday.
I asked him to give me strength for my journey in foundation. I ask him to never let me get distracted on things.

I do try my best to pray five times a day. I do try my best to read Quran and Selawat everyday. I try everyday to be a better muslim.

And I feel, not better, but my anxiety is lesser than it was. I feel more...free and calm.

But as a human, we never get run from these things.
I do feel stress. I don't get enough sleep. I'm mentally tired.

But, it's all parts of a learning process.

"Where have you been for the past four months?"

Guys, it called college.

(I like use the term College more than University (college sounds more chill.))

I actually want to start blogging again after finals.

Nope, I still haven't finished my first sem.

I just want to write this.

For the past week, I felt weirdly nostalgic.

Since I started college, I don't have time for doing the things I love.

I don't have time to read and I don't even feeling like reading. I'm in a HUGE reading slump.

I don't feel like drawing cause it takes time and I don't have any.

I don't even watch any tv shows or movies, If I watched them, believe me when I say that I only watched half of it cause my hostel's Internet is shit.

Heck, I don't have time to even write my story in Wattpad.

All I did after going home from class, my thoughts are, "I need sleep."

And sleep I did.

After my midterm for my 4 subjects (I have 5 subjects this semester),

I suddenly remembered that I haven't watch Vixx's One Fine Day.

And one night I was like, "Hey, why not watch it now?"

And I watched it. And I felt really, really empty.

I don't know about you guys, I'm a fangirl since I entered teen hood.

I've been a fangirl since I was 13.

And, watching one of my favourite boy groups, I felt a pang of sadness on my heart.

Yes, firstly, I missed them.

And then, I realised how unhappy I was.

___________

My first month of college, I cried a lot.

(I don't want to write about my college life because I want to keep this topic after finals.)

I realised how in my high school years, I spent on my obsession over books, music, movies, and I was... at least happy for the things I did.

Like everyone, my high school years, sucked.

But, the things I love I did, it made the sad years a little okay.

I don't want to be sad again.

I know I complain about college a lot (especially in whatsapp), but I don't want you guys to think that I'm ungrateful...I just really missed talking to the people I know and staying in new place, studying in new school and not knowing anyone, is really damn hard.

Now, I'm nothing but a tired atom.

At some point of my life, these three boy bands were my source of happiness. They were the one who made my life better in high school years and they are still here, to give me strength everyday through their music and personalities.

I missed this feeling. I missed it so, so much.

I missed being happy through these little things.

Ever since watching Vixx's One Fine Day, I laughed a lot.

And I realised I grew up.

I'm not ready to be an adult. (Honestly, I just want to be a fangirling teenager for the longest time as I want).

Grew up sucks but, realising that make me feel stronger, somehow.

And, no, I will never forget those people, those fictional characters that make me have strength to face my everyday life. I'm honestly, feeling such gratitude for them.

Because if it wasn't for these people, my former and now source of happiness (and Allah), I'm not what I am today.